Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Do you judge?

Have you ever wondered why people judge others? Does it bother you when someone judge you without having a clue on why they are judging you? To be honest I don't really like it when someone judge me. I mean, what rights does one person have to enable him/her to judge someone. By judging someone here is the type of judge that people often make just by looking at the person from their physical abilities or appearance. I really agree that if you want to judge or criticize someone you have to be able to be in someone else's shoes.

Here's one quote that show us that we can't criticize or judge people as simple as that. It's a quote from Harper Lee, the author of my favorite book "To Kill a Mockingbird". I can conclude that when we are about to say something about other people, make sure that we've already think hundred of times before we actually say the things and when we do say it, make sure it's something that can lift up other people's spirit, not to let them down.

“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”
— Harper Lee
So, I was browsing along to know what lies behind a person when he/she judge someone.

Here's what I've found, according to one source there are 4 reasons why we judge others:
  1. We are insecure. This is the main reason we judge. When we are insecure and/or unhappy with who we are, we try to put other people down. Though it doesn't usually build us up when we put others down, we do it anyway. We want to feel good by making others feel bad.
  2. We are scared. Often, when we're scared or intimated by other people, we'll put them down. We also may fear those who are different from us and may judge them just because they are unlike us.
  3. We are lonely. When you are lonely, you might use judgments to bond with other people, but these bonds are based on negativity. The bonds you have based on judging others are superficial and are not likely to contain true substance.
  4. We are seeking change.When we want our own lives to be different, we are quick to judge the lives of others.

  • Hurt other people. This might not always happen. If the person never finds out what you said, you're in the clear, right? Not necessarily. Things have a way of coming back and hurting people in unexpected ways. Think about what you say. Would you say that to his/her face? If not, it's probably best left unsaid (and un-thought!).

  • Make you feel worse about you. When you judge others (or, at least, when I do), you feel bad afterward. You don't feel good about yourself. You might get a tiny rush from the judgments, but, ultimately, you feel guilty. You think you're a bad person for casting such harsh judgments on others. You bring yourself down when you bring others down.

  • Perpetuate stereotypes. The more judgments out there in the world, the more stereotypes get formed and people are trying to live up to (or avoid) the ideas of what they are "supposed" to be. Whether stereotypes are based on race, gender, spirituality, ethnicity, appearance, or any other attribute, they are bad news. They force people (including you!) to feel as if there are standards they must meet instead of living a free, happy life. Don't be a part of perpetuating stereotypes with your own judgments.

  • Put negativity into the world. No matter what you way you rationalize your judgments, they are not bringing anything good into the world. They bring others down. They bring you down. They make the world a more unhappy place. Can you imagine if we were all accepting and loving of one another? Can you imagine what the world would be like if we tried to understand other people rather than judging them?

  • Encourage you to judge yourself. If you're judging others, you're probably judging yourself pretty harshly as well. As for me, I know this is the case. For example, I judge what other people wear, and, as a consequence, I'm extremely concerned with what I wear. I spend quite a lot of time on my clothing and appearance and I bet I would do this less if I didn't judge others so harshly.
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.”
— Jack Handey

(source by Dani from positivelypresent - images from


Jocy said...

I've been working on not really caring what others think, to a point anyway. You can't please everyone, and I believe the bigger strides you take in life to be happy, the more negative judgment it elicits.

boya arsila said...

Hi Jocy,

Really agree with you on how we can't please anyone. In the end it all up to us whether to really care or not..