Conversational Mistakes

How do you feel when you can really make a good connection with people you've just met? I love meeting new people and I love making new friends. Let me ask you one question. When you are being introduced with someone, are you worry more about how you look from the outside (you appearance) or how you behave (the way you communicate, your manner etc)? Which one is more important? I think that at the very first time we always feel that appearance is more important for the first impression, I agree with that. But once you started a conversation with someone you've just met for the first time, the way you communicate becomes really important to make further impression. I'm sure everyone doesn't want to look dumb or silly when it comes to make a really good conversation. Here's the list of five conversational mistakes that can make failure to a smooth conversation..

5 Conversational Mistakes That Can Make You Look Dumb
(by Henrik Edberg)

1. Bragging.

You may think bragging about your new car or what you make money wise will impress people. But consciously trying to impress anyone quickly becomes pretty apparent and transparent. And you are likely come a across as an annoying try-hard and insecure person with low self-esteem rather than the coolest kid in town.

2. Being judgemental.

Now, what I’m talking about here is being judgemental about what Paul does for a living, what Lisa defines as her unique fashion style and what Larry did in a drunken haze last weekend. If you keep up such topics in conversation then soon the people you talk to will probably start to assume that you talk the same way about them when they are not around. And that can put a negative dent and barrier into your relationship. Besides, being judgemental might make you feel superior for a short while. But overall, it puts negative energy into your own mood and thoughts. And that isn’t especially fun or useful.

3. Putting the spotlight on ME, ME, ME!

An obvious and obnoxious one. A couple of common ways to put the spot-light on yourself are: Talking too much. Hijacking someone else’s story by interrupting and then relating it to some anecdote in your life. Thereby taking the focus off the other person and on to yourself once again. Not really listening, just waiting for your turn to talk again. Trying to steer the conversation back to your favourite subjects. And then clinging desperately by talking about them as long as you can.

4. Always be giving advice.

I’ve been guilty of this so many times. And I think a lot of people don’t really realize that it might be something to hold back on a bit. If someone is telling you about a problem or situation then it’s easy to assume they want your point of view and advice. And it’s easy to feel clever by dispensing your wisdom. But sometimes people just want to you to listen and hear them out. It might be a way for them to handle, understanding and solving their own problem. So just listen instead of busting out your problem-solving skills immediately. Assuming a parental role where you are telling what someone what to do can become irritating. When they are done talking they might ask for your input. Or you can ask if they want to hear what you would do in a similar situation. Or if they want someone to bounce around thoughts and ideas with.

5. Worrying about making mistakes in conversations.

One big problem in conversations is to turn the focus of your mind too much inwards. As soon as you do that conversations stall, you can feel flustered and everything becomes awkward. You can escape being worried about looking dumb and making mistakes by not focusing on it. Work on focusing your attention more and more outwards, towards the person you are talking to. If you think you look dumb then it is probably because you were worried about it and became self-conscious. If you can decrease the worry you can decrease the time you feel self-conscious. And if you aren’t self-conscious then you are far less likely to feel bad and affecting the conversation. Even if you said or did something that might be perceived as kinda dumb. If I’m not self-conscious then I have found that don’t react that badly to what I said/did (even if it was kinda dumb). Most of the time I just move on with the conversation and the people I’m talking to follows.

(source from positivityblog - image from lanaloustyle and cocokelley)